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Sunday, 13 June 2004
:(
Well, its official.. I beleive i am suffering once again from an attack of depression.
I dont want to deal or do anything.
Had a huge scare the other day... but hey, its over and no big deal.I am just a freak..no biggy.
Anyways..
Yeah.
I feel like i am either gunna cry my eyes out or freak out and start throwing things.
WATCH OUT WORLD BRANDYS LOST IT AGAIN!
Oh and i love my Dan.. Hes wonderful to me.. and there is not a thing i wouldnt do for him.
Posted by bansheekisses0
at 4:30 PM CDT
Updated: Sunday, 13 June 2004 5:04 PM CDT
Thursday, 10 June 2004
Unbeleivable..
Well, my mom got served with court papers.
It appears my dad is taking her back to court to get the child support cut off for my sister.
Many because my step mom is a kniving sleezy bitch that has no morals and who is greedy and conceipted.
Anyways...
back about 2 months ago my step mother kicked my dad out for going on a bing..( my dad is an alcoholic and x drug user).
Anyways, so he went to live with his brother ( my uncle Ken).
Well, lil did i know he is back home up on the hill.
And today my step mom showed up at the door of my moms house and said " we really dont want to do this, but it has to be done" and gave her the papers.
My mom being the great lovable person she is told her " get the fuck off my property you fucking cow"
She then told me that it was a good thing for my dad that he didnt give them to her because she would of had no problems punching his lights out.
Note: my mom and dad grew up together and for a portion of her life he lived in her mothers home like one of the family.. so at points my mom treats him as such and sibbling rivalry returns..
anyways...
The court papers served to my mom stated he pays over $2000 for his tobacoo..
That he pays property taxes ( but doesnt claim the mortgage or even that they have a tendant that lives down stairs that pays them 500/mo. ) that he pays my mom child support for my sister of 103/mo ( just over 3 dollars a day).
That my sister ( who is 19 and goes to school)gets 190/mo from CPP ( canadian pension plan) for going to school.
Granted my sister doesnt always attend school full time, she is however registered and the school is getting funding for her as fulltime.
He also didnt claim that i paid him 400/mo for 3.5 months that i lived there.
So pretty much he outright lied on it.
but still, he pays more for his tobacco than he does for support of my sister.
Not just that he is fighting paying for 2 more months. My sister plans on moving out by the end of this summer!!
So he lost his daughter for 206 dollars.
He lost me for more reasons than one. On the bright side my sister now knows that i wasnt lying to her when i said that my dad did what he did to me. Because he just did pretty much the same thing to her as he did to me.
Wow, how ironic it all is.
How stupid can you be?
Not just that the papers filed at the court house for the child support to begin with also SAY he has a tenant down stairs and that it was claimed before.
Fucking ppl! grr!
Posted by bansheekisses0
at 11:29 PM CDT
Tuesday, 25 May 2004
SICKNESS!!
Well, i woke up this morning and sonja had to go get me a warm cloth to loosen goo that had hardened my eyes in thier shut position.
Things went well, i cleaned the entire house ( minus the play room/office...
I also found out that even though dan is coming to visit me,plans have changed..
I will not be allowed to stay in the same HOUSE as him during sleeping hrs, because her sister in law said taht it would be a disgrace to thier religion...
What horse shit!
So now, if we stay in Sugar Land, we have to stay in seporate beds, in seporate houses!!!
man, i tell yah..great life i have atm..
Not only that, but Dan will be given my bed while i relocate to Leslies!!!!
I was like OMG GRRR! * shakes fist*
So now, i am looking at the possibility of us staying in a hotel because i was informed that camping during the may-october months here is nuts..because of misquitos and the huminity..
Though i dont find it all that humid, and OFF! is all i have to say about the misquitos.. But apparently bugs will make thier way to the tent..so i am kinda like...hmmmm.. guess camping is out also..
So now i am doing a last minute frenzied search of reasonably priced hotels locally...
And i cant talk to dan because earlier his phone was being worked on ( i think because of the network probs with the comps) and he is at work till 11ish... so good thing i spent most of today sleeping ( due to my not feeling well at all today)...
I went out to dinner with the family and thier relatives, which was funny because when i am sick, i was sure glad i know my table manners and had my napkin placed soundly in my lap..otherwise i wuold of looked like a drop cloth! I just couldnt seem to get the hang of it.... It was Indian food too..which would of ment that i smelt like curry and indian spices...
I totally got mad at dan lastnight for a very silly reason..
I guess i am a real bad person when i am sick and tired...
and he signed off before i could say *kiss* and taht i loved him..:(
And i do love him... All day i have been thinking about him and what a horrible thing i did to him yesterday..
I sent him an appology card...and an appology email ( which i think might of been over doing it) but i wanted him to know that i was REALLY sorry and that i still love him..
anyways..thats my thoughts atm.
cheers
Update:My grandpa spent yrs collecting hats...mostly baseball caps with various local companies logos on them...when he passed away he knew my dad also did the same thing in my home town..so in his will, he left my dad his hat collection figuring my dad would appreciate them for what they are and what they symbolised... YET, i just found out my dad threw 90% of them away.. keeping only the ones he liked and the cowboy hats.
and he gave my sister her choice of which one she wanted..and one to my brother and other sister... but because i wasnt "available" to choose one, he thew the rest away..
I would of loved to have been able to choose one.. and i only have another 4 weeks here...would it of killed him to wait that long?
That's just all kinds of wrong. >< there were over 200 hats. when we brought them back from the funeral, there were 8 large micorwave boxes filled with hats. now he has the 5 cowboy hats that were in it, and 6 of the baseball caps...my siblings have 3 between them... and i got none...and the rest he threw away.. UNBELEIVABLE!
i would of taken the rest of the hats myself if i had known.. i would of gotten him to take them to my storage area and put them in there instead.
I am so hurt and disturbed by this i dont know what else to do but to cry..
and i really wish i could talk to dan...i really need his loving support atm...
How could he? the man that raised him from a young age till adulthood, who loved him like his own? and he does this to something that his dad did for him? thought he would respect?
This is outragious..
grr...* goes away crying* i will post more on this later...after i finish blubbering.
Posted by bansheekisses0
at 9:05 PM CDT
Updated: Tuesday, 25 May 2004 11:41 PM CDT
Friday, 21 May 2004
still up..
well, its almost 1 am..and i am still up..weird.
I think its because I WANT DAN!!!!!!! wwwaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh!!!!
Posted by bansheekisses0
at 12:54 AM CDT
Updated: Friday, 21 May 2004 12:55 AM CDT
Today..
where to start.
I am sick..there is a good start. there is 6 days left till Dan comes...umm..
My friend hates but loves her boyfriend, is stringing him along...and her boyfriend is one of my closest and longest standing friends.
Of which i cheated on my xfiance with...and with whom he cheated on my friend (in a way) with me..even though they had "taken a break" it was still real close to when they broke up..
which bothers me a bit i admit.
Oh well.. He isnt happy, and knows something is wrong..
And justin, i know you are gunna read this! wake up and smell the roses! SHE ISNT GUNNA CHANGE! SHE ISNT GUNNA WORK ON MAKING THINGS DIFFERENT!
and i also know she is gunna read this, and to that i say: You dont deserve him.. He is a real sweet guy. and you owe it to him to fess up!
anyways...now back to my life...I worked my tail off.. am avoiding calling my mother...because i dont want the lectures again.
i think most amaricans are totally egotistical when it comes to physical appearances..a broken nose isnt the end of the world...
umm...
Zach owned me by ways of typos.. damn it..
Brandygrassie: Zachy baby WOOT WOOT cha boogy..yah huh yah huh i likes him! he my duna nuna duna nuna ZACH MAN!
punkrockguy324: hahaha
punkrockguy324: hi!!
punkrockguy324: *huggles*
Brandygrassie: *huggles*
punkrockguy324: oh my god
punkrockguy324: i spent so long writing the last email
punkrockguy324: that i got timed out ><
Brandygrassie: holy cow!
punkrockguy324: its 6.5 pages single spaced!!
punkrockguy324: gahh im a windy bastard
Brandygrassie: naw..your just thourowly lovable
punkrockguy324: and this is following a 5 page single spaced from the other night
Brandygrassie: lol
punkrockguy324: how come the only hot people that know thye are hot are bitches..
punkrockguy324: and the hot ones that dont think they are hot
punkrockguy324: kick ass
punkrockguy324: i ask myself this
punkrockguy324: and shrug
Brandygrassie: dunno...
punkrockguy324: haha
punkrockguy324: you know your hot right?
Brandygrassie: i figured that since dan is workign till 12 i would take a couple pics of myself and send them to him....but i look as sick as i feel..:-( and pale to boot... and no i am not hot..i am your average person..the only thing that makes me stand out is my large lovable heart.
Brandygrassie: :-P
punkrockguy324: see!?
punkrockguy324: what i say is true
Brandygrassie: meh
punkrockguy324: hot people that dont think they are hot are the kickass ones
Brandygrassie: lol
Brandygrassie: thanks for the compliment zachy babes..your not so bad to look at either darlin.
punkrockguy324: i think u should send me pics
punkrockguy324: i know..
Brandygrassie: i would need your email addy darlin
punkrockguy324: but i'm an asshole
punkrockguy324: =p!!!!
Brandygrassie: no your not!
Brandygrassie: your a sweetheart and a lovable one at that.
punkrockguy324: yea i know.. i'm not an ass hehehe..
Brandygrassie: thank you...
punkrockguy324: but i'm really not hot
Brandygrassie: you are a cutie and dont you try to deny it!
Brandygrassie: or i will open a can of whoopass on you when i see you..
punkrockguy324: i aint ugly.. i have enough self confidence to say that
Brandygrassie: :-P
punkrockguy324: but i aint nothing special
punkrockguy324: just your average joe
Brandygrassie: You are too..
punkrockguy324: and i wouldnt have it any other way!
Brandygrassie: you are a great lookin guy zach...
Brandygrassie: :-P
punkrockguy324: i will admit to that as soon as you admit to being the hottest hotty among the hottnessess
punkrockguy324: haha!
punkrockguy324: ohh if i was 3 years older.. *shakes fist*
Brandygrassie: Which will be never because i am the hottest hottie...*hugs*
punkrockguy324: YOU ADMITTED IT!
punkrockguy324: Brandygrassie: Which will be never because i am the hottest hottie...*hugs*
Brandygrassie: i meant not
punkrockguy324: "i am the hottest hottie!"
punkrockguy324: *hugs*
punkrockguy324: nope
punkrockguy324: u admitted it!
Brandygrassie: i typoed and deleted...
Brandygrassie: I AM NOT THAT! never have been, never will be..
punkrockguy324: ^^
Brandygrassie: it was a mistake!
Brandygrassie: DAMN IT!
punkrockguy324: *changes sig on gonney's forum*
Brandygrassie: ?
punkrockguy324: go look at it
Brandygrassie: i am.
Brandygrassie: hmm...
Brandygrassie: two can play taht game zach darlin!
punkrockguy324: uh oh hahaha
Brandygrassie: HA!
Brandygrassie: confession time zach darlin!
punkrockguy324: ?
Brandygrassie: umm..wtf..i had 25 post this morning..and now i only have 17
Brandygrassie: read my sig darlin!
Brandygrassie: fess up!
Brandygrassie: :-P
Brandygrassie: I think your damn s3xy, so there!
Brandygrassie: and not in love with Dan ( which i do very much) and you werent so young:-p
Brandygrassie: and lived closer i would prove it to you.Then you could say a hottie ( according to you) is after your s3xiness.
Brandygrassie: :-P
punkrockguy324: hahaha
punkrockguy324: well, i will prove it to you in spite of those things
punkrockguy324: are you ready?
punkrockguy324: *ahem*
punkrockguy324: go look in the mirror
punkrockguy324: BOOM PROOF!!
Brandygrassie: why?
Brandygrassie: i know what looks back..and it is only i..
punkrockguy324: proof you are hottie
Brandygrassie: but i am not
Brandygrassie: did you get my email zach?
punkrockguy324: ohhh man
punkrockguy324: your sig..
Brandygrassie: yes dear?
punkrockguy324: you hot hot bitch
Brandygrassie: what about it.
punkrockguy324: owned ><
punkrockguy324: hahaha
Brandygrassie: i am not..
punkrockguy324: "fess up i admitted it"
punkrockguy324: hahahaha
punkrockguy324: well then i wont fess up!
Brandygrassie: i am not owned i meant
punkrockguy324: no i was owned
Brandygrassie: lol
Brandygrassie: now fess up!
punkrockguy324: yaar!
Brandygrassie: * taps fingers....* i'm waiting.
punkrockguy324: im hot..
punkrockguy324: BUT YOU ARE TOO!
Brandygrassie: YAY!
Brandygrassie: lol...
punkrockguy324: ^^
Brandygrassie: Gotcha!
Brandygrassie: check my sig darlin!
Brandygrassie: now, did you check your email?
punkrockguy324: one sec checking email
Brandygrassie: k
punkrockguy324: grr hurry up computer
Brandygrassie: lol
punkrockguy324: PICYS!!!
Brandygrassie: :-P
Brandygrassie: the one of me with my hair up was taken today..
Brandygrassie: about hlf an hr ago actually
punkrockguy324: yay!
Brandygrassie: :-P
punkrockguy324: hottyottyotty!
Brandygrassie: lol
Brandygrassie: silly
punkrockguy324: so secksay
punkrockguy324: well
punkrockguy324: against my will
punkrockguy324: i must sleep
punkrockguy324: school tomorrow.. and then job training
punkrockguy324: YAY I HAVE A JOB!
punkrockguy324: ^^
punkrockguy324: love ya soso much brandykins
Brandygrassie: awww..love yah too zach baby...
punkrockguy324: i'll talk to ya soon
punkrockguy324: *huggles* and <3les
Brandygrassie: you bet your bottom you will..
punkrockguy324: bye bye
Brandygrassie: *brandy styles back flipping lotsa <3les hugs*
Brandygrassie: byez
Brandygrassie: sweet dreams
Brandygrassie: and good luck tomorrow darlin
Oh well, he made me smile...
and 6 days till ma man is here..<3 to the Dan.
Oh..and umm..i had a very disrespectful child to deal with tonight..
he pretty much told me i am his slave and that i have to do as he commands or he will tell his mom..
But when he fell asleep and gave me the chance to tell her first, she couldnt beleive her 4yr old had said taht..but i could because i heard it with my own ears and seen his lil lips form each word.
Posted by bansheekisses0
at 12:27 AM CDT
Tuesday, 18 May 2004
Oh the fun of it all..
Lets see.. hmm. my mom decided to call me a fucking idiot because i want to go to I.U this up and coming fall...
She pretty much told me that if i choose to go there, she will disown me, of sorts.
Which i dont think is possible..she threatened this before, and couldnt fallow through.
Why cant she just see that i will be happy and let it be.
Cant she see that i wasnt happy in Vernon? That i wanted more than what i was finding.
That maybe i could find what i need away from Canada.
And now today hmm..where to start...
K.. first sonja asked me to do a whole wack of things, that i couldnt get done in the time she set, because i had to make ( cook) a picnic and gather all the stuff to eat with it, or just to eat with even. Plus grab towels for linc and Drew ( so if they choose to play in the water park they didnt get the seats in the van soaked...
So i get that done, then i have to go pick up a neighbour kid from school..Sonja gives me 10 mins to get there, and the wrong directions..so i was late doing that... then i had to take the kids to swim lessons ( on the way i had to tell them to put on thier seatbelts 4 times. they would put them on then take them off...so annoying..plus they get up and move about in the car while i am driving..FREAKS ME OUT!), then pick up mitch..the kids discovered they forgot towels, so i had to drop mitch off, grab towels and go to pick them up..
Then i get home, eat and clean up the dishes..
But alas its 6 pm and i am done...thank god..
And the good news is that at 7/8 i get to watch the much awaited season finaly of GILMORE GIRLS....
SO, its gunna be a good evening..
Dan, if you read this before i see you online, then call me..I miss you..I love you..and i cant stop thinking of you...
I would love to hear about your day...
cheers all..
Posted by bansheekisses0
at 6:39 PM CDT
Saturday, 15 May 2004
It is....
Isnt if funny how we never really understand love till it fills us?
I find that my thoughts tend to be filled with Dan.
' wonder what hes doing?' ' wonder how hes feeling'
'Is he thinking of me, like i am of him?' ' Is it going to be as wonderful to kiss him as i think, or will it be even more so?' ' when we kiss will there be that wonderful loving electric feeling?'
' Does he know how much i love him?' ' does he ever doubt that what i feel for him is love?'
I know i will never hurt him, well purposely anyways..
I would make him happy in anyway i can possibly.
and in 12 days i will be able to hold the one i love close..
Look into his magic eyes and kiss those wonderful lips.
He has almost become a obsesion i cant get enough of... The one i yearn for in sooo many ways.
I just hope i dont totally humiliate myself at the airport and cry so much taht its rediculas...
I wanted to talk to him today,but when i got back online to talk, he signed off..
I cant say i wasnt disappointed to see him go.
But alas there are things taht neither of us can help..
I love you dan.
Mean while in news back on my home front..
The water restrictions are taking effect.
The politician in control Sean Harvey, is a total jack ass.
I mean he is more concerned with the damn highways and roads than with the lack of water supply in the G. Vernon Area.
I fear that in light of the early crack down, that fire season may be just in the sights.
Last yr we had many forest fires and such due to the lack of water/rain during the presummer seasons. Plus the lack of snow to fuel the lakes around us.
Though, we had a bit of a better snow fall this yr, the water supply is still shockingly low.
The glacier fed lake didnt get as much water fed to it as they had hoped with the amount of snow that had fallen on Silver Star mountian.
Vernon has been granted a 35 million dollar garnt from the goverment, and just like the other citizens of the city, i am wondering what Harvery has in store for the surplus in funding.
I know i would like to see some kind of action taken to prevent the reoccuring water shortage from happening each and every yr.
I am not saying that we should be conservative.. but to already be issuing written warning of water hogging is a bit extreme i fear..
I mean, there are two written warning, then he get thier water turned off.
I know i for one would be pissed if he turned my water off in teh dead of summer when the sun is stifling hot.
"People detest paying fines so it would be more appropriate," he said.
NO SHIT SHERLOCK! everyone hates to pay for what rightfully they should have.
I mean, ppl need water to survive. And then to take that away is almost inhumain.
WOW! the stupidity of politicians.
thoughts anyone?
Posted by bansheekisses0
at 2:36 PM CDT
Updated: Saturday, 15 May 2004 2:49 PM CDT
Wednesday, 12 May 2004
The rest of it..
Today i woke up with a case of the shakes..They were so bad taht i didnt want to get out of bed..well, couldnt rather..
Its due to one of two things: my lack of caffeine this morning... or my headache that occured after the fact.
Anyways..tahts not important.. odd, i was gunna post my dream now..but i dont think i wanna..
I gots a bit of the case of the blahs.
dunno know why or how i got them..well... Maybe i do have an idea..
Everyone i know and/or love was kinda down and out today.
Man i tell yah, i was too..well, am kinda.
Worries about a day to come,
where life will seem so much more fun.
To watch a sun rise and fall,
an not be at someones beck and call.
To not hear the arguements of the short commings of ourselves.
Like festering the bee hive.
The bitterness the swells in me as i hold back,
i wish i could take those angry words and put them in a sack.
I dont want to hear them, see them or be near them.
The hurt i see, the pain i feel.
I know of these things as if they were my part of their deal.
Is all the tears worth being daily shed,
or just a reason to keep the anger fed.
I wish i knew how to make it all seem right,
because once more i was caught in the middle tonight.
how dreary is the day that surrounded me,
where happiness is hard to find and i just cant be.
Oh the temptation to run and hide again,
to leave before i become part of them like an extention.
Oh the words, the pain, the anger here..
I wish i had someone i love to hold me near.
To wipe away the pain i see, feel and make it right again.
The best kind of friend..
The one i love to no end.
Well, to add more to this day.. I hate stormy days.
They bring back flashes of memories i try hard to surpress.. To hide in the back of my mind..
Though i have gone through years of councelling for it, they dont seem to go away.
They seem to spring up, like some kinda plegue that wont let me rest.
With them come distict smells and i can sware i can still feel the plushness of carpetting..
I can almost hear the car door, the motor...
I can totally identify with the song by Evanescense called " haunted" on days like these..
The dark side of my soul pokes through as i try to push back the way things were, and change my future from repeating my past.
I cant explain it.. words are coming to me in rampid blurbs..jumbling together before my eyes..
maybe tomorrow i will be able to make this entry make more sense...but today i fear taht my emotions will further hinder it all.. The effect, the reason i am writing as i am..
Oh who knows..
i dont care ...
I have someone i love more than anything and i am gunna take this breif second to say how much he means to me.. I love you Dan.
I have never been more glad of anything, than that of your up and coming visit..
You are such a great guy and i am very glad to have you with me.
Posted by bansheekisses0
at 12:08 AM CDT
Updated: Wednesday, 12 May 2004 12:25 AM CDT
Tuesday, 11 May 2004
Evil doers beware.
I have a wonderful talk with Dan lastnight.. And inso i had a wonderful dream.. of which i will describle later..
But right now, i have only a few seconds to say my peice about how this deck i am destroying will be done come hell or high water...
But good things is the battery seems to be holding charge better today..
So there is a plus..and the rain isnt gunna stop me today.. i am goin to make a protective jacket for it. RIGHT NOW!
SO beware evil doer! NOTHING CAN STOP ME FROM FINISHING THE DECK TODAY! mwah hahahahhaahhaha!
Posted by bansheekisses0
at 10:23 AM CDT
Monday, 10 May 2004
Reflection.
Well, after thinking for a while about the lifestyle i am living at the moment.. I noticed that even though i have taken two yrs of psychology courses on how to deal with behavioral problems in children under 10... I noticed that i know the facts, but dont neccisarily fallow them..
I know not to react to random outburst for ADD ( ADHD),but to focus on the possitive..Yet, when Alex acts out, i react just like i shouldnt.
I also realised that with all the activities goin on here ( extra reading,extra math, swim lessons, singing lessons ect) and with thier homework, there isnt much time for the children to be children.
I dunno.. Maybe i am just thinking too much..
Or maybe i am not thinking enough..
But the fact remains that in reflection, things seem to be going backwards instead of forwards..
But on the possitive side, 17 days till i see Dan..
Which excites me to no end..( and i am not being sarcastic either). I am extremely looking forward to seeing him, because i love him so much.
I told him about the bizzar dream i had about being in a maze throwing bread crumbs that turned into talking flowers..And at the end of the maze was a talking flower that slobered that told me to kiss it..when i said no because it slobbered i heard Dans voice.. So i kissed it and we ( me and dan) walked away talking about life, theories and politics ( well mainly i listened to Dans views there in)....What a beautiful dream..
It made me wake up in the greatest of mood..
Which admittedly didnt last long.
Posted by bansheekisses0
at 7:43 PM CDT
Updated: Monday, 10 May 2004 7:47 PM CDT
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