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Tuesday, 11 May 2004
Evil doers beware.
I have a wonderful talk with Dan lastnight.. And inso i had a wonderful dream.. of which i will describle later..
But right now, i have only a few seconds to say my peice about how this deck i am destroying will be done come hell or high water...
But good things is the battery seems to be holding charge better today..
So there is a plus..and the rain isnt gunna stop me today.. i am goin to make a protective jacket for it. RIGHT NOW!
SO beware evil doer! NOTHING CAN STOP ME FROM FINISHING THE DECK TODAY! mwah hahahahhaahhaha!
Posted by bansheekisses0
at 10:23 AM CDT
Monday, 10 May 2004
Reflection.
Well, after thinking for a while about the lifestyle i am living at the moment.. I noticed that even though i have taken two yrs of psychology courses on how to deal with behavioral problems in children under 10... I noticed that i know the facts, but dont neccisarily fallow them..
I know not to react to random outburst for ADD ( ADHD),but to focus on the possitive..Yet, when Alex acts out, i react just like i shouldnt.
I also realised that with all the activities goin on here ( extra reading,extra math, swim lessons, singing lessons ect) and with thier homework, there isnt much time for the children to be children.
I dunno.. Maybe i am just thinking too much..
Or maybe i am not thinking enough..
But the fact remains that in reflection, things seem to be going backwards instead of forwards..
But on the possitive side, 17 days till i see Dan..
Which excites me to no end..( and i am not being sarcastic either). I am extremely looking forward to seeing him, because i love him so much.
I told him about the bizzar dream i had about being in a maze throwing bread crumbs that turned into talking flowers..And at the end of the maze was a talking flower that slobered that told me to kiss it..when i said no because it slobbered i heard Dans voice.. So i kissed it and we ( me and dan) walked away talking about life, theories and politics ( well mainly i listened to Dans views there in)....What a beautiful dream..
It made me wake up in the greatest of mood..
Which admittedly didnt last long.
Posted by bansheekisses0
at 7:43 PM CDT
Updated: Monday, 10 May 2004 7:47 PM CDT
And when?
Well, i talked to Dan lastnight till near 2:30 in the morning.
I love him so much. I always find it interesting to learn new things about him.
And some of the things i learned lastnight will be forever stowed away inside the memory boxes in my head.
As for the happenings in the world, abuse of the Iraqians being help and arrested by mistake is a total racist thing.
I mean come on, just because they are Iraqian doesnt mean they are affiliated with Sidom..
Thats just like saying all Germans are affiliated to Hitler.
The President saying that he is gunna "talk" to the soldiers is Total bull. I mean how can he rectify such a blant mistake.
There are just somethings you cant say "oh sorry about that" for.. and this is one of them.
This complete overlook of justice might, in turn lead to an on slaught of attacks against Amaricans and thier land by others. Including those who have been wrongfully held and probably ( knowing the rights of which man operates) torchured in some shape way or form.
Can you imagine? "Do you know anything about....." " No, i dont.." Smack! " tell the truth" "honestly i dont" "hank prisoner 123 gets his/her food rations taken down to bread and water portions"
What a horrible thing to learn that the USA is doing to already helpless and defenseless people, who are scared because of the ongoing uncertanty of thier up and coming lives.
Its raining here right now..which delays my distruction of the back deck till the rain lets up..If not delaying it till the morrow.
I wish Dan was online so i could talk to him about what he thinks of the "mistake" the military has made.
I love chattin with him, its always wonderful. If i am down he makes me smile.. I only hope that if the roles are reversed, I can make him smile too..
Posted by bansheekisses0
at 10:45 AM CDT
Sunday, 9 May 2004
And then?
Well, let me repost all my journal entries for the last month or so here.. Since i have decided to delete my otherone and go with the blog.
January 2, 2004
Well, i feel better today. Not hung over anymore.
Yesterday i just wanted to die. The roomies thought it would be fun to pick on poor lil me because i got pretty sick on new yr.
I think now that i have barfed my guts out for the first and last time due to alcohol, i am gunna say " thats it for me" and be done with it.
Chatted with ppl online today for a bit. Latowski the most i guess.
Him and sarah seem to be doin alright. and i am truely glad.
He deserves a good girl. Someone who is gunna love him and understand his funny lil quirks.
Febuary 8, 2004
HOLY, i seem to be missing big blocks of time!
Well, I have been thinking of my fist fight with my cousin.
I am proud of myself, yet i am also ashamed because i was resorting to her level of stupidity.
Though at the same time i dont feel i have dont the wrong thing.
My one thing that will push me over the edge everytime, being backed into a corner..
I had lil to no marks, but i apparently broke her nose..and i feel bad for it..but i cant help that she is stupid and wouldnt leave me alone.
I choose to walk away from hanging with her because i didnt like where my life was headed.
I was partying every night. i was doing drugs because i could, not because i wanted to.
I was ashamed of who i had become.
I needed to end the relationship with her and sever all ties. Though i dont think breaking her nose was the way to do.
Yet, i am glad i finally stood my ground with her. Showed her i am not scared of her. I refuse to let people walk all over me. Use me, lie to me and even lie about me.
The things i did, i am not proud of. And i am not blaming her for me doing them..but i know that i wouldnt of been where i was, when i was. I would never of slept with 2 guys at once if i hadnt been at that dance and drunker than a skunk.
I did wet tshirt contests because she made me feel wild and free.. Then i realised i can be that without her and her negative lifestyle.
I have more to offer than what i was giving. So now i am dealing with the possibility of being arrested for assualt ( which i doubt will happen)...
My friend is mad at me because i got kicked out of the bar and she wanted to stay and be with me..
But i dont think she understands how important that last step was to me.
April 1,2004
yesterday night something that i thought would never happen, did.
I have known this guy for about a year now, and he he told me he likes me.
I was shocked, but i knew we were close, so it didnt bother me. It just felt right somehow.
I mean he's been calling me daily for about a month now.
And each day i found myself looking forward to out daily chats.
Hes someone i just connect with. Someone who i can talk about nothing and everything with, in complete confidence that i can trust him.
April 2,2004.
Oh, how glorious it is to know that someone i trust and care for a great deal likes me for who i am.
I know he cares, because he is sincere about things that are important to him.
I know that he wont hurt me, because ...i dunno, i guess i just do.
Truthfully, he might accidently do it..and i know i might accidently do it to him also.
April 8,2004
Today I accepted a job being and Au Pair ( nanny) to three kids ages 4,7, and 9.
Thier mom seems to be such a sweetheart.
Though i admit that when i was talkin with her on the phone,she seemed a bit strung out about time ect.
So i think my time with them will be quite busy and go go go... Though i dont mind really. I would rather be busy.
I talked to Dan again today. Still have yet to tell him about my live journal. Oh well.
April 13,2004.
Well, only acouple days till i make my 10 week move to Texas.
I talked to sonja again, She seems such a sweet lady. I know me and her will get to be great friends. I can just tell.
Though admittedly i made friends easily.
April 18, 2004
I am now in Texas. Sugar Land to be precise.
Its really pretty here. And everything is goin real well. I couldnt be happier with the choice i made.
Its totally new and exhilerating to know i finally did something to further what i want to do with my life.. Something to further my life in many shapes ways and forms.
I think the kids are awesome, though i was asked why i made it to the age of 21 without marrying yet.
But i just diplomatically said that i am still young and havent found someone with whom to share every aspect of my life..
Though to be honest to myself, i have someone who shares a large chunk of it. He is the greatest friend to me and is now my boy friend. and its pleasing to hear his voice ( though i probably should call him sometime soon). I talk to him nightly now. Its wonderful.
April 22, 2004,
Today me and Dan had a real heart to heart talk about our lives ect. And its weird how much we truely do have in common.
He told me he loves me today... Though he kinda guessed that i love him.
I dont know when it started, but its there strong as nothing else has been before.
Its this wonderfully exhilerating feeling that i cant seem to get enough of. As the days pass, my feelings for him grow.
April 30, 2004
Today, in technicality is 1 month less our one yr anniversary.. Dan talked to sonja today on the computer. Which i admit, was quite the experience for me to stand by and know was goin on. Though i talked to him on the phone while she talked to him via MSN.
I love him so much.. And i am truely glad he loves me.
At times i wonder how i got so lucky to have him. But i am never doubtful that he loves me..
Yet, i yearn to be able to hold him. To see the many expression on his face and caress away the lines of worry that crease the handsome planes of it sometimes.
I would love nothing more than to kiss his lips. The very ones that crook up at one side when he smiles.
May 7, 2004
Today i started work an my site. A special page filled with garfield games and comics. Tips on how to keep children occupied...and much much more..
I also picked out the perfect gift for Dans birthday. And i am soooooo scared he wont like it. Justin thinks i am worrying for nothing. I hope so too. But truthfully i think i might be.
I also still have yet to tell dan about my journal on the net..and let him read it.. Oh well.. i guess i will just have to surprise him sometime.
He means the world to me, and i trust him.. And he already knows everything that goes on in my life.
Though he hasnt seen my words in writing.
I have wrote him a few poems.. and shared them with him.. but silly ole me didnt save a copy of them for myself.
I enjoyed our nightly webcam chats. They are most special and heart warming.
I love him so and would give him anything if he asked it of me...
May 9, 2004
Yesterday Dan's mom said he was allowed to come see me..So we booked him a flight, and we talked about what we can do while hes here.
God, the 27th seems yrs away.. and i am estatic about his coming to see me..
It means so much to me.
We talked till 1 am in the morning on the phone from about 10. Which was beautiful. That was the first time in a while that we have had a real long telephone conversation....
I was so excited about his coming to see me that when i found out i went to run upstairs and i tripped and ripped my favorite skirt ( darned thing is so long) but i kept on up the stairs to tell sonja that Dan is coming.
So, 18 days till i see him..and i can hardly wait.. i almost feel like taking and kidnapping him right this instance....well, if it were humanly possible..hehe..
anyways..thats my blog of the day...will up date again later if i need to.
Posted by bansheekisses0
at 5:53 PM CDT
Updated: Sunday, 9 May 2004 6:43 PM CDT
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